make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
