He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
