cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
