Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
