I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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