this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
