I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
