bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
