Got a toothbrush?
my phone needs a breathalizer
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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