are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
