I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
