Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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