she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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