first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it's like iHOP with fire
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
