I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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