Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
