I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
