U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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