I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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