It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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