just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
