We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
