i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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