Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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