Your face is a jimmy john
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
