sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
