i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
