just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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