It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What a dumb baby whore.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
