I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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