I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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