you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
