That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
