yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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