He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
