If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I want to be your penis for a week.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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