if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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