mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
