I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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