Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
