I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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