Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
