He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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