I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
