This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
