Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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