I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
