Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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