Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
