I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
