I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
