im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
