tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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