wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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