420 ftw
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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