I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
