Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
